What to Say in a First Message on Tinder, Hinge or Bumble (With Examples)
Short answer: the best first message on a dating app is one or two sentences, refers to one specific detail from the person's profile, adds your own take on it, and ends with a question that is easy to answer. Skip "hey" and compliments about looks: they give the other person nothing to reply to.
Why the first message matters
Dating apps are crowded, and the two sides of a match often experience them very differently. In Pew Research Center's national survey of U.S. adults, 54% of women who had used dating sites or apps said they had felt overwhelmed by the number of messages they received, while 64% of men said they had felt insecure because of the lack of messages.1 A generic opener lands in a full inbox and looks like all the others.
Effort is visible, and it pays off. Hinge has reported that 72% of its daters are more inclined to consider someone when a like comes with a message, and that people who add a comment to their like are twice as likely to arrange a date.2
The formula: detail, your take, easy question
- One specific detail. A place in a photo, a prompt answer, a pet, a hobby, a job, a band T-shirt. Specific means it could not have been sent to anyone else.
- Your take on it. A reaction, a small opinion or a bit of playful disagreement. This is what makes it sound like a person rather than an interview.
- A question that is easy to answer. Either-or questions and "what's the story behind..." questions work well because they take five seconds to answer from a phone.
Hey
You're gorgeous
How's your week going?
That pasta in your third photo looks homemade. Are you the cook, or did you just get lucky with the restaurant?
15 first message examples by profile hook
Travel photo
Is that Lisbon in your second photo? I still think about the custard tarts. Best thing you ate there?
You've got mountains in three out of five photos. Hiker, or do you just know where the good views are?
Pet
Your dog looks like he runs the household. What's his name, and what's his worst habit?
Important question about the cat in your last photo: friendly, or plotting something?
Food and drink
You say you make the best tiramisu in the city. Bold claim. What's the secret?
Coffee snob or "anything with caffeine" person? Your profile suggests the first one.
Job or studies
Pediatric nurse, so you must have stories. What's the funniest thing a kid has said to you this month?
Architecture student: which building in this city would you knock down first?
A prompt answer
"Two truths and a lie": I'm guessing the skydiving one is the lie. Am I right?
You said your most controversial opinion is that pineapple belongs on pizza. I was ready to disagree, and then I saw you also like anchovies. Explain yourself.
Music, films and shows
Someone else who still listens to Arctic Monkeys. First album or AM?
Your profile says you have rewatched The Office more than five times. Which season do you skip?
Sport and hobbies
Climbing photos, nice. Bouldering or ropes? I've been three times and my forearms have not forgiven me.
You play padel. Is it actually fun, or has everyone just agreed to say so?
When the profile is almost empty
Your profile is a mystery, so I'll start with the important stuff: beach holiday or city trip?
Ask questions, then follow up
A question is not just a way to get a reply. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Harvard researchers found that people who asked more questions, and especially follow-up questions, were better liked by their conversation partners; in the speed-dating part of the study, people who asked more follow-up questions were more likely to get a yes to a second date.3 So when they answer your opener, ask about their answer before you change the subject.
App-specific tips
- Hinge: you can attach a comment to a like. Always do it, and comment on the prompt or photo you liked rather than sending a bare like.
- Tinder: bios are often short, so look at the photos for a hook: a location, an activity, a pet, something in the background.
- Bumble: the same rules apply whoever makes the first move. If you are replying to an opener, answer it and hand back a question.
Mistakes to avoid
- Compliments about looks alone. They are common and hard to answer beyond "thanks".
- Copy-paste openers. If the message would work for any profile, it reads that way.
- Interview questions. "What do you do? Where are you from?" feels like a form. Attach your question to something in the profile.
- Several messages in a row. Send one good message and wait.
- Sexual openers. Interest is built in the conversation, not demanded in the first line.
Sources
- Pew Research Center, "Key findings about online dating in the U.S." (February 2, 2023; survey of 6,034 U.S. adults, July 2022). pewresearch.org
- TechCrunch, "Hinge's new AI feature helps daters start better convos" (December 8, 2025), reporting Hinge data. techcrunch.com
- Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino, "It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking", Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2017). pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Frequently asked questions
Is "hey" a bad first message on a dating app?
"Hey" is not offensive, but it gives the other person nothing to reply to and looks identical to every other low-effort opener in their inbox. A message that mentions one detail from their profile and ends with an easy question is far more likely to start a conversation.
How long should a first message be?
One or two sentences. Long enough to show you read the profile, short enough to read at a glance and answer in a few seconds. Save the paragraphs for when you know each other.
Should I open with a pickup line?
Only if it is clearly a joke and it connects to something in their profile. A generic pickup line has the same problem as "hey": it could have been sent to anyone. A specific observation followed by a question works better for most people.